I am having an emotional morning, hormones I am assuming. I left for work and Brady started crying, I hugged him and he wouldn't let go, and I did not want to let go either. I've been late to work for the past 6 times I've had to come in, not by my own account...and that is totally frustrating. Then to top it off, my desk is bombarded with little yellow sticky notes, "Megan you are going here today....Megan, can you get this file out for me....Megan re-schedule our appointment for Wed. to Thurs..." I am totally irritated. The client I am now scheduled to see today that I did not have on my schedule before, is one that is my most challenging and the one I have the least amount of patience for. I can see her wheels turning each time I go in, on how to control her environment by being the nastiest, loudest and rudest client I have dealth with in a long time. I try to think of her past, take in to consideration her disability, but it's just not working.
Seriously, everytime I know I have to go see her, my eyes well up with tears and my heart starts pounding.
Then I read someones blog and totally disheartened me as it has done before. I've even restricted myself at one time due to it's depressive conotations. It left me feeling bad about myself and what I am able to do. It also made me feel bad for others and how they may feel. We all have tragedy in our life, whether it is fair, that is not for us to judge. Things happen to us in life that we never thought should happen to us, that we were not prepared for, and that we sometimes cannot let go of. When my brother died, it was very hard to process why this had happened. I did not lean on God as I should have, instead as I got older, I blocked him out further. After my parent's divorced, I colored my hair, tried to be "cool" but it did not work out for me, and instead I found comfort in drugs, boyfriend, and alcohol. (still amazed though that I kept a 3.8 gpa)
Then after going to be a summer staff at Castaway after my freshman year of college, my life all came together. It has not by any means been perfect, but I learned this. Things in life, whatever they may be, whatever obstacle we have to endure, DOES happen for some particular reason. If you would have told me then, that Jason's death happened for a reason, I probably would have slapped you. But it did. Do I miss him most ardently every day? YES. But he is with Jesus and for that I find comfort. But for people who drag things out with their obstacle day after day after day....I feel very sorry for them.
Granted, I drug mine out a long time, but to make others feel bad along with you is not a reasonable thing to do. To tell them to "watch what you are talking about in public about their life, their story, to make others feel frightened of your reaction, to fear a friend....it makes me so very sad. If these feelings happened for a grieving period of time, I would understand, but to continue the heartache only hurts yourself, friends, family and God. In the book Eat, Pray Love, she says something that makes sense..., "You were always coming." Meaning, you were always going through what you are going through, no matter if in hindsight you thought you could change it, or make it different, you were always coming. God has always had our plan laid out for us. Jason was always meant to be on that lake in December. I was always going to go through my struggles.
But then, I was always meant to find Jesus. My prayer for today is that Lord, for those who are broken, and cannot see your plan, give them peace. Give them excitement and joy in their soul that you love them, and let them be a beacon of light to those around them, so that they too, can shed the same light forward.
Lord, I pray that you can let us all have peace, that no matter what, you are there to walk the road with us, with whatever obstacle lies ahead, for your son Jesus, chose the biggest obstacle any of us could ever imagine, ever endure.
Thank you Jesus for your Love, and may we all be reminded of this love during our darkest moments. Make our darkness, light.
In Jesus name
Amen
Seriously, everytime I know I have to go see her, my eyes well up with tears and my heart starts pounding.
Then I read someones blog and totally disheartened me as it has done before. I've even restricted myself at one time due to it's depressive conotations. It left me feeling bad about myself and what I am able to do. It also made me feel bad for others and how they may feel. We all have tragedy in our life, whether it is fair, that is not for us to judge. Things happen to us in life that we never thought should happen to us, that we were not prepared for, and that we sometimes cannot let go of. When my brother died, it was very hard to process why this had happened. I did not lean on God as I should have, instead as I got older, I blocked him out further. After my parent's divorced, I colored my hair, tried to be "cool" but it did not work out for me, and instead I found comfort in drugs, boyfriend, and alcohol. (still amazed though that I kept a 3.8 gpa)
Then after going to be a summer staff at Castaway after my freshman year of college, my life all came together. It has not by any means been perfect, but I learned this. Things in life, whatever they may be, whatever obstacle we have to endure, DOES happen for some particular reason. If you would have told me then, that Jason's death happened for a reason, I probably would have slapped you. But it did. Do I miss him most ardently every day? YES. But he is with Jesus and for that I find comfort. But for people who drag things out with their obstacle day after day after day....I feel very sorry for them.
Granted, I drug mine out a long time, but to make others feel bad along with you is not a reasonable thing to do. To tell them to "watch what you are talking about in public about their life, their story, to make others feel frightened of your reaction, to fear a friend....it makes me so very sad. If these feelings happened for a grieving period of time, I would understand, but to continue the heartache only hurts yourself, friends, family and God. In the book Eat, Pray Love, she says something that makes sense..., "You were always coming." Meaning, you were always going through what you are going through, no matter if in hindsight you thought you could change it, or make it different, you were always coming. God has always had our plan laid out for us. Jason was always meant to be on that lake in December. I was always going to go through my struggles.
But then, I was always meant to find Jesus. My prayer for today is that Lord, for those who are broken, and cannot see your plan, give them peace. Give them excitement and joy in their soul that you love them, and let them be a beacon of light to those around them, so that they too, can shed the same light forward.
Lord, I pray that you can let us all have peace, that no matter what, you are there to walk the road with us, with whatever obstacle lies ahead, for your son Jesus, chose the biggest obstacle any of us could ever imagine, ever endure.
Thank you Jesus for your Love, and may we all be reminded of this love during our darkest moments. Make our darkness, light.
In Jesus name
Amen
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