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So I've been thinking lately...

too much that is!!!! Don't get me wrong, it can be a very good thing, and as most of you know, it can be a very bad thing as well! But recently, all of this thinking, is actually turning in to good. I've been thinking very deep thoughts lately, thoughts about life and death, good and evil, Jesus and Buddha...

Get the picture?

It's causing me to go quite insane, but at a cost. A good one. I'm learning so many new things about myself and others. I'm learning what kind of person I want to be, what kind of christian I want to be, and this is all very exciting! But then, at the same time, it opens your eyes to what is going on around you, all of the....for lack of a better term, yuckiness, that is going on around you, and it then infuriates me!

So then I have to pull myself together again, and remember what it is I am trying to do through my soul transformation. LOVE! I have to love the weakness in others, in myself. I have to love the ignorance and judgmental parts of others, because then how else will they know that there is another way to be if no one shows them? I have to be a constant accountablity partner to myself, because the great news is, is that I am not perfect! Cool! So I have to on a constant vigil to help myself not make too many mistakes. To not get sucked in to the "oh so easy" negativity, gossip, arrogance, selfishness and greed that can seep in undetected when I least expect it to.

My big area in growth lately, is learning that I can't change how others perceive things, so all I can do is to love them, and through that love, hopefully they can see another road they can walk down instead of the bitter, vengeful and blameful swamp they choose to get stuck in.

Don't get me wrong, that swamp has had me quite a few times. Sucking in me in to it's bittersweet glory of blaming others for my decisions, loathing in my own self pity, and questioning God's motives a thousand times over. But I've been down the road of grace, mercy and forgiveness too, and it's wonderment and faithfuleness has never led me astray, except when I myself wander away from it's course.

Life is choices. I have heard that statment since I was a child. And it has stuck with me. There is so much more truth to it than I could have ever imagined. Life is choices, and my choice is to live a life of love. Remembering that love is not always perfect, love can make mistakes when coming from a human body. But love is always trying, always pushing itself to do what it does best. Love.

Comments

Jazzy said…
There you go thinking again!!!! Totally kidding:) I hope you have a great week, it was nice to see in church on Sunday. It was a great message that Ken and I needed to hear:)

We should get our rugrats together sometime and sip on COFFEE!!!!!!!
June 9, 2009 at 12:43 PM
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