Well, here it is. My new outlet on life. A way to get it all out there. My new journal to deter from the cutting down of more trees so I can write on pages with callused fingers stained with black or blue ink. So exciting.
I never get a chance to really "think" anymore and express real life events that are happening to me or happening around me. I love having a family and having the chaotic wondrous experiences that follow. But then, at times, I forget about myself. I forget about my thoughts, knowledge, capabilities, dreams, hopes and passions of life. You know what I love?? Soccer. Getting up early in the morning, putting on shinguards that smell of sweet sweat and grass. Wearing a t-shirt or jersey that you've owned for years and no matter how many times you wash it, it still smells of golden sunshine. The scent of the grass as you warm up your muscles, laying on your back and staring up at the sky as the billowing clouds roll by above you. The perfect kick. When your foot hits the ball at just the right part of your foot and you watch in amazement as it soars through the air. These. These are the moments I miss. This is my peaceful bliss of wholeness. Weird huh.
I miss other things like reading a good book till 4 in the morning. Walks with the dog. Big elaborate meals that I have prepared. Time to clean. Sleeping in. Accruing my sick time at work. Camping. Skiing. Adult conversation.
Although I miss these things so dearly, the thing I miss the most is not being able to see my children while I am at work. They are the most beautiful, miraculous, genuine gift that I have ever received and I am so grateful that I was given the chance to be their mother and to be able to love them and care for them like I do. God is Great! Although I miss out on so much of myself, I have been given the opportunity to do something far greater than activities...I get to shape, and love a life other than my own.
And maybe, I will get to pass on my love and passion for the things that make me who I am on to them. Maybe one day one of my children will love soccer as much as I do. Then maybe it won't be my sweet sweat to smell on a shinguard, but that of my childs'. Who knows what is in store for us, but at least we will go through life together, as a family.
I never get a chance to really "think" anymore and express real life events that are happening to me or happening around me. I love having a family and having the chaotic wondrous experiences that follow. But then, at times, I forget about myself. I forget about my thoughts, knowledge, capabilities, dreams, hopes and passions of life. You know what I love?? Soccer. Getting up early in the morning, putting on shinguards that smell of sweet sweat and grass. Wearing a t-shirt or jersey that you've owned for years and no matter how many times you wash it, it still smells of golden sunshine. The scent of the grass as you warm up your muscles, laying on your back and staring up at the sky as the billowing clouds roll by above you. The perfect kick. When your foot hits the ball at just the right part of your foot and you watch in amazement as it soars through the air. These. These are the moments I miss. This is my peaceful bliss of wholeness. Weird huh.
I miss other things like reading a good book till 4 in the morning. Walks with the dog. Big elaborate meals that I have prepared. Time to clean. Sleeping in. Accruing my sick time at work. Camping. Skiing. Adult conversation.
Although I miss these things so dearly, the thing I miss the most is not being able to see my children while I am at work. They are the most beautiful, miraculous, genuine gift that I have ever received and I am so grateful that I was given the chance to be their mother and to be able to love them and care for them like I do. God is Great! Although I miss out on so much of myself, I have been given the opportunity to do something far greater than activities...I get to shape, and love a life other than my own.
And maybe, I will get to pass on my love and passion for the things that make me who I am on to them. Maybe one day one of my children will love soccer as much as I do. Then maybe it won't be my sweet sweat to smell on a shinguard, but that of my childs'. Who knows what is in store for us, but at least we will go through life together, as a family.
Comments