Skip to main content

I wrote this before Christmas

In Rememberance.


9:44am Tuesday, Dec 18, 2007

Aaaahh. The Holiday Season is now upon us. It crept up like a tiger spotting it's prey. It comes quiet and swift, ready for the kill, but patient and agile...so very cunning is the Holiday Season. Like a tiger. Strange. It's strange how the Holiday Season was meant for joy, peace, love and hope. Yet for most, it is a dreadful reminder of pain, hurt and a time where old or new memories are rekindled. It is a time where our country is at war and some, are at war with their own demons. There are few who go through the Holiday Season with out a care in the world. It is a constant source of refueling for them. Pretty paper, joyful music and hugs, kisses and happy sounds all around. For some it is wondering if there will be food on the table, disapointments and heartache. I have learned through they years, to still enjoy the happy times of the Holiday Season. I have learned that life deals you different cards and it is how you play them that is important for your own happiness. Yes, I have a wonderful family, blessed with children and pretty paper, joyful music, hugs, kisses and happy sounds all around. But the one sound I miss every year, is that of my older brother Jason.

I miss his knuckles digging in my head for an oh so missed noogie. I miss hearing the cracking of his growing leg bones as he ambled up the stairs to the kitchen. I miss the sound of his sneakers squeaking on the gym floor while he played basketball. I miss his voice most of all as the years go by, because I can barely remember the deep rumble of his speech and the roar of his laughter. I can't remember how he smelled or how many friends he had. But I do remember how much I loved him. And I always carry with me how much I miss him.So even though the Holiday Season is a time when people tend to reflect on what has gone wrong with life, remember, there are those who never got the chance to continue to experience what there life had to offer them and others. I know at this time of year, I miss him most and desperatly wish I could see him, smell him, hear him...one last time. I love you so much Jason, December 25, 1976 -December 22, 1992.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

There are two kinds of people: Part Two - The non-movers

Coffee cup in one hand, veggie/fruit smoothie in the other. No seriously, that's what I have on each side of me as I write. I'm smiling because of how funny this is, as it seems to also relate to this conundrum of a topic before us. There are two kinds of people, and there are definitely two kinds of beverages.  My caffeinated beverage on my left brings me a one sided joy that I cannot even begin to detail. I love my coffee. And I really do think it loves me back. At least for a while. As I peer out of the corner of my eye to the right, I see the greenish grainy drink to my right. Today the fennel seeds in it do not make it seem as dirty  I mean, like I just gathered them from the dirt without rinsing and sprinkled them in there kind of dirty. Maybe it was the splash of OJ I decided to add to it this morning. Now, I know that this drink loves me. It is good for many aspects of my life. Health, energy, sustenance, power. But I do not enjoy it as much. When I make my coffee

Who did we welcome home TODAY????

Shelby Capri Bergman 6 lbs. 5 oz. , 19.5 inches long May 30th, 2008 10:52 pm I just want you all to know that everything went picture perfect. She's beautiful, she's healthy and she's very content. I don't have a ton of pictures yet, my mom took pictures during delivery and I took some today when we got home, but since we don't have internet at home now, it will be slow coming! I had my membranes stripped at 9:45 am on Friday. Afterwards, Tom and I went to Walmart, Applebees's, my sister's classroom to help move some stuff (I supervised... I was a little sore), and then home. I took a nap and Tom started getting ready for supper. His 4 hour long, grilled ribs...and that is how the story begins! So we keep joking that I am going to go during his first trial run with the ribs. This starts at around 3:30 pm. Then, we run out of propane and start all over a

Still here...Day Two.

Well, I still miss my kids horribly. Especially this morning when I heard that Shelby was up alot during the night. She has not been up in the middle of the night in 3 weeks, and it made me feel guilty for leaving her. I felt and feel, like I should be home with them. I know the woman who is watching them, that if she hears even the slightest little peep out of the kids would go rushing in to their room. I really don't want Shelby to get used to someone picking her up in the middle of the night for little rustles and sighs. But maybe I am just anxious, and maybe it is not really that big of a deal. Maybe I should just enjoy my time with my thoughts, my books and my husband. But honestly, I am anxious because I feel like the can't live with out me (don't laugh, besides I know it's over dramatic:)), I haven't even attempted to pick up one of my books, and my husband is driving me nuts because it does not bother him one bit that we are 3 hours away from our little bund